Intimacy Seekers

Aversion To Sex

According to the research, one out of three women and one out of six men go to counseling due to low sexual desire.  There are a variety of reason why people exist with low sex drives.  Some people even report an aversion to sex all together.  Could it be that some people who present with what they call an "aversion" to sex might really be dealing with hurts and scares from a sexual dysfuntional history? Maybe it is not so much an aversion to sex as it is a need to experience inner healing of the wounds that have been created due to unhealthy relationships.  If these clients could somehow find healing for the past relational hurts that they have experienced, it is possible that their desire for sex could be reignited.  Remember:  healthy sexuality means mutual gratification among many other things.  Let me know what you think?

What Is Intimacy?

John Gottman, Ph.D. at the University of Washington in Seattle says "Intimacy is the mutual satisfaction that takes place when a man and women choose to do life together and feel safe enough with each other to share their thoughts and feelings at the deepest level." 

I will never forget the first time I read this definition.  I thought about many, many individuals who are searching for this experience with another person.  To be emotional or sexually intimate with someone involves a relationship in which both individuals are mutually satisfied.  It is not real intimacy if only one person in the relationship is satisfied with the way life is going.  Intimacy means that the two individuals are making a conscious deliberate choice to share life together.  Often times, two individuals will live separate lives:  he will do his thing and she will do her thing but they don't share life as a couple.  God's original design was for a man to leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and become one flesh.  True intimacy involves two individuals who feel safe enough with each other that they can be totally transparent and tell the truth about how they feel as well as what they think.  The healthiest of relationships involves honesty and trust.  Without doubt, intimacy is the objective of every couple who arrives at the place where they are mutually satisfied with the relationship. 

New Blogger

At the suggestion  of a friend, I have decided to establish a blog and link it to my web site (www.intimacyseekers.com).  I plan to address a variety of issues.  Some of the topics that I will write about include:  marriage, emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy.  I look forward to hearing from my readers.